So I haven’t put up a blog post in a long time, not necessarily because of a writer’s block that seems to not want to wear out; I can still feel its icy hands on my creative nerves, not because of laziness, not because I couldn’t find something to write on or ran out of ideas, but simply because of fear and insecurities.
Fear that my write up might not be appealing
Fear that i don’t really have what it takes to be a poet, art and book lover, writer and a blogger
Fear that I might end up making some grammatical error, like I always do, and not realize it, then get ridiculed for it.
Fear that it might not be perfect like I think it is
Fear that my insecurities of not being good enough will creep into my blog post and snatch away the beauty of what I have written.
Fear that those I admire and hope they love what I put up will not even like it
Fear that what I know might not be enough to make a beautiful post
Fear that my post won’t be as awesome as that of the coolest bloggers around
Fear of my numerous insecurities
Insecurities that made the pen feel heavy in my hand
Insecurities that constantly reminded me that I am not good enough
Insecurities that made me look down on how awesome I could actually be with words, pen and a paper
Insecurities that made me ponder on the one or two things I was doing wrong and ignoring the thousand and one things I was doing right when I write
Insecurities upon insecurities
Fears upon fears
Fears embedded in insecurities and studded with chronic laziness, excuses and writer’s block.
I could go on and on and on but this year, its one of my resolution to be a better person in all area of my life, but how can I be better if I don’t practice? If I don’t make effort to cancel out my fears and insecurities. I love writing, and for each day I refuse to write, part of me dies, I can’t keep living that way. So I will do me henceforth, make efforts to be better, so as much as you my dear reader will also enjoy the thoughts my brain brews. And forgive me in advance in my future blogs’ grammatical errors and whatever might not be in place “rightfully” but I do hope you enjoy.
The aim that this blog hopes to realize at the end of the race, hopefully starts henceforth. Cheers to a year of overcoming our individual fears and insecurities. Whatever is yours, my dear reader, you can overcome it. Know that you are not Alone. You aren’t alone.